tabbathaanne

I was told by a good friend, I dont write as many blogs as I used to. Well I want to get back to the old me in more ways than one, so here we go! This is for you friend. I hope this works!

I have a lot of mixed emotions right now. Ive been pretty silent in a lot of areas. I dont talk about things in detail anymore. I dont blog about my life. I dont write all the time. Well, there is an explanation of course. I just felt like ridding my life of all the drama. And well, for me to do that, I just didnt talk about it. I thought everyone was getting sick of my life and the things I blogged about. So in a sense, I cut people out. Now, I never meant to hurt anyone, or make my friends feel left out of my life. I just couldnt deal with half the crap that was going on with me. But I feel like… To get back to the old me, I can let things out, and not be judged. ESPECIALLY here.

So things with me and Cody have been going pretty good. Ive been keeping my distance from him too in a way. I am trying sooo hard to work on forgiveness with him. He seems like a changed person. He seems to get this now more than ever. Which is GREAT! Now Im just trying to forgive, without getting my heart ripped out again, or being stepped on. Cody still talks about ‘forever’ and getting married and even babies! So thats exciting… But Im sure, as you all could have guessed, you know Kim is still a HUGE issue!!! I do have to say though, Cody is stepping up in A LOT of ways and he even told his mom off one night. I think it was after we got his bills from her, and I showed him how to do things… HE noticed [I wouldnt dare say this to him, it had to be him to figure it out] that his mom hardcore messed up his bills and even harder screwed him out of THOUSANDS of dollars. She was stealing from her own son. Anyways… We have been talking about how to deal with this. And so far, Cody has been doing a GREAT job. I give him a lot of credit. Maybe Iraq did change him…

I think its scary for us both to have to come to grips with the fact, a lot of things will never be the same. Its scary in a sense. But Im trying to work on having a steady relationship with Cody. So that he knows I will be there and he wont need to hurt me again cuz he thinks Ill be gone if he does. I dont know how to explain it all really. Things with him and his mom have just gone out of control lately. Kim texted Cody one night out of nowhere and was so rude to him. She told him “Thanks for coming down to Loveland and not seeing me! If thats how things are gonna be you can kiss my ass Cody! BYE!” How TERRIBLE!!! No mother should ever treat their child the way she treats Cody… So Cody calmed down, and waited til he could think straight, and wrote her this huge email… She just yelled at him for it. It was sad. The whole entire email was just about how he felt. And he got shit on by his own mom. It sucks. Im trying to be here for him and pick up all the pieces… But at the same time, Im trying to see if he is changed and we can be ok… UGH! So frustrating and confusing!!!

Anyways… You guys remember Alyx and Erin? Well. I never talk to either of them anymore. Alyx kind of ditched me after my birthday. That was weird… Oh well. I dont have too much to say on that really. And Erin… Well Erin’s story is much more complicated. But I have lost touch with her too. I hate how I always seem to find such nice people and nice friends… Then all of a sudden, they are gone. Sometimes, it is my fault, and Im trying to work on that. But sometimes… I just dont get it…

I had a real nice talk with a friend today though. I noticed how much Im growing up. Im sick of drama. And getting dragged into it. Especially when it comes out of nowhere. I guess that was just it though. I was so sick of drama… I cut it off completely. And without even realizing what I had done, I just stopped talking to friends. Talking doesnt always have to mean gossiping. And I think I forgot that. So, sorry to anyone who felt left out. And not just my friends, but anyone, anywhere. It hurts to feel left out. It hurts to think you lost a friend. And I would never want anyone to feel that way.

So onto some weight loss related areas. Im happy to report I made my 3lbs goal. I was hoping for 4… But mini confession… You know how we were gonna go to Mimi’s last night for that amazing salad? Well. We realized halfway down, we forgot the card at home!!! AHHH!!! So long story short, no Mimi’s. [Were going tonight though hehehehehe…]. So we got back to Cheyenne at about 9pm. Cody works til 7, he had to get changed, we drove halfway to Loveland, and no card. So by the time we got home, it was so late… We ended up having Wendys!!! AHHH!!! But be proud. I ordered a chicken sandwich, NO FRIES, and a diet coke! Oops for me having a soda, but oh well! I gymmed my butt off at gym session number one today! So Wendys is not an issue anymore haha… But how can I complain? Ive been eating food… REAL food! The first two weeks I was so strict with myself. But I made myself a deal. When I reached mid 170s, I would start adding in more foods I was used to. So thats what I started doing. I know if a lot of people here can eat real foods and lose, so can I. I think thats why I only had a 3lbs loss this week though. I gymmed hard, but ate more “normal” food. But hey, 3lbs!? I really cant complain!!!

So tonight… MIMI’S!!! I love that salad! And maybe a late night gym session. I did take a little nap with Killer, so I have a little extra energy! Im hoping that 4th lbs will find its way to next weeks weigh in. Next weeks goal will be 2lbs. Three if I add the extra lbs from this week. Ok, so 3! I can do that! I think with my new found sense of accomplishment, me and Killer are gonna go for a walk to pick Cody up from work! [About 3 miles]. I just feel like getting out and enjoying the rest of today! Hope you all do the same! Have a good night BuddySlimmers!!!