I was almost going to be hcg-ing my life away…

But the pee stick said “negative”!!! [Did you really think I was talking about THAT?! I soooo gotttccchhhaaaa!!!] I thought it was gonna be a positive, so I ate like a little fatty. Why? I couldnt even tell you. I guess I just thought it was ok to eat if you get pregnant. Haha… I dont know who made that a rule, but they suck!!! So in anticipation of the test saying I was… I ate. And I know, its not ok. The test said negative, so Im back to workout fiend and water guzzler! I lost .8lbs so far. WOO???

Will I ever hit the 160s?! I feel so blah. Like its just another number Ill never see… But I need to realize numbers dont rule my life. Eff the scale! I feel good today. So 170-whatever, I wont let you make me feel bad anymore!

I dont feel like spilling my guts about anything else. Just wanted to write a blog. I havent in a while. And what better way than to laugh off some fake controversy!!! I just felt like being a brat!

Time for my next 32oz water bottle. And gym tonight with Cody!!! YAY!!!

Im happy yet angry at the same time. I was in a bad mood the other day. I hate my landlord. She is evil. But me and Cody went to get pedicures [hahaha I made him, he lost a bet!] and I got my hair done. I got like 5 or 6 inches chopped off, I got it lightened, and I got a whole new style. ‘Bout time though. Ive had the same style basically since 6th grade! I was thinking kind of getting some of the old me mixed with the new me.

So I decided to weigh in a day early. I AM PISSED. Ive been working out HARD. Eating great! [Or so I thought…] Ive been working at this and having some reeeeally great numbers the past couple of weeks!!! I guess either my body is rebelling, or I really shouldnt drink diet sodas. I know the asapartame just doesnt help me. I always bloat when I drink that crap. I just dont get it! This is when I always want to give up… I gained. TWO WHOLE POUNDS! WHATTT?!?! I was in shock. It sucks.

Ive been trying so hard to adapt to a lifestyle change. I dont limit myself anymore. If I want a piece of something junk food, I totally have it now! I even have ice cream! I measured out exactly 1/2 cup, a serving size, and I was content! But I just dont get it… This time though, will be different. I just have to keep at it. Sometimes, you will see numbers you dont want to see obviously. But I cant stop. I have to keep working at it.

Im sorry to my Wildcat team. Im trying so hard. And now all I have to contribute is a gain. Im blaming it completely on the aspartame. I dont believe in the gaining muscle crap. A pound is a pound. So I guess Im just gonna suck it up, work a little harder… And go drown myself in a gallon of water!!!

Ps- I love Cody. My big, gallon Brita filter broke! So Cody got me a pretty new one! Hes is such a great supporter sometimes!

Me and Cody are going to Paranormal Activity tonight. Hes being nice… Its kind of scary. He brought me home some roses… for no reason. SCARY! But Im trying to stay positive. He asked me where I want to go to dinner. Hes trying to be supportive… I think. And Im trying not to let numbers and food run my life. So Im trying to think semi healthy, and Im trying to remember, I can always bring some of it home for lunch or something too!

I had made some soup earlier cuz I just didnt feel too good. And I dont like the noodles they put in the soup, so I always make my own and add them and just dont eat the soup noodles… Anyways, I could barely get half of it down. I just wasnt feeling good at all. So I figure maybe some OJ or something… So I had to go to the store… Well I come home and start cleaning up a bit… I totally forgot to put my soup away… Well not needed anymore! My soup bowl was completely cleaned out! Compliments of Killer!!! He looked SOOO guilty when I got home hahaha… It was cute… And it was only chicken noodle soup. So he got some carbs, chicken broth, chicken pieces, and some veggies. HAHAHA… Im just gonna monitor his portions a bit tonight when I feed him his food. His poor belly probably doesnt know what to do with all that hahaha… Hes just been laying around all day in the sun. Dumb dog. But I love him to pieces!!! Hes kept me sane through a lot of this… I love that doggy!

Ive had a bum day. I was in jammies all day. I still havent done too much. I debated going across the street for some goodies, but I decided I need more fruits and veggies first. We got blessed with an extra $1000 for the last 2 weeks of the month. Things were gonna be REALLY tight. Im trying to show Cody how to do his bills. And well, now fix his bills that got so messed up. We actually found out Cody has 12 open lines of credit!!! YIKES!!! ANNND some things in collections cuz his mom just didnt pay them!!! OMG!!! I showed him how to work out some of the bills. And we ended up getting 3 of the lines paid off, or close to. But in doing that, we pretty much used all the money we had for the month. And Im sure you all know how much more expensive it is to eat healthy and better, than running out and grabbing something cheap and yucky! But I guess all the guys in Codys unit got paid for the extra 10 days they missed out on leave. They went back to work early, so it was like a double dip or something… Goodness all this military talk and I still dont get half of it! Haha… But it was per diem? Or something, so $135 a day… Times 10! YAY! But I talked Cody into putting more of it towards paying off bills. You guys dont even understand how messed up they are cuz of his mom. Ugh…

Im just bored. I dont have much to say. I want to go to the gym, but I gave Cody the car today. That was dumb. Im craving Taco Bell! Sooooo naughty! Ill see if I cant find some healthier mexican choice haha… Why is it when we try so hard is when we crave the bad foods the most? Blah. Oh well. I think Ive been doing pretty good!!!

I guess I can go back online and start searching for a new car. Cody wants another vehicle. What a nut… I like my pretty car though, so yay! And once the bills are in order, a new car will be no prob!

I just wanted to blog and not lose myself again and not be the blogger I used to be. Feel free to not comment haha. This was a huge blog about nothing. Just my day so far, which didnt even have anything to do with weight loss. Hope everyone is having a super weekend!!! TTYL!!!

I have a lot of mixed emotions right now. Ive been pretty silent in a lot of areas. I dont talk about things in detail anymore. I dont blog about my life. I dont write all the time. Well, there is an explanation of course. I just felt like ridding my life of all the drama. And well, for me to do that, I just didnt talk about it. I thought everyone was getting sick of my life and the things I blogged about. So in a sense, I cut people out. Now, I never meant to hurt anyone, or make my friends feel left out of my life. I just couldnt deal with half the crap that was going on with me. But I feel like… To get back to the old me, I can let things out, and not be judged. ESPECIALLY here.

So things with me and Cody have been going pretty good. Ive been keeping my distance from him too in a way. I am trying sooo hard to work on forgiveness with him. He seems like a changed person. He seems to get this now more than ever. Which is GREAT! Now Im just trying to forgive, without getting my heart ripped out again, or being stepped on. Cody still talks about ‘forever’ and getting married and even babies! So thats exciting… But Im sure, as you all could have guessed, you know Kim is still a HUGE issue!!! I do have to say though, Cody is stepping up in A LOT of ways and he even told his mom off one night. I think it was after we got his bills from her, and I showed him how to do things… HE noticed [I wouldnt dare say this to him, it had to be him to figure it out] that his mom hardcore messed up his bills and even harder screwed him out of THOUSANDS of dollars. She was stealing from her own son. Anyways… We have been talking about how to deal with this. And so far, Cody has been doing a GREAT job. I give him a lot of credit. Maybe Iraq did change him…

I think its scary for us both to have to come to grips with the fact, a lot of things will never be the same. Its scary in a sense. But Im trying to work on having a steady relationship with Cody. So that he knows I will be there and he wont need to hurt me again cuz he thinks Ill be gone if he does. I dont know how to explain it all really. Things with him and his mom have just gone out of control lately. Kim texted Cody one night out of nowhere and was so rude to him. She told him “Thanks for coming down to Loveland and not seeing me! If thats how things are gonna be you can kiss my ass Cody! BYE!” How TERRIBLE!!! No mother should ever treat their child the way she treats Cody… So Cody calmed down, and waited til he could think straight, and wrote her this huge email… She just yelled at him for it. It was sad. The whole entire email was just about how he felt. And he got shit on by his own mom. It sucks. Im trying to be here for him and pick up all the pieces… But at the same time, Im trying to see if he is changed and we can be ok… UGH! So frustrating and confusing!!!

Anyways… You guys remember Alyx and Erin? Well. I never talk to either of them anymore. Alyx kind of ditched me after my birthday. That was weird… Oh well. I dont have too much to say on that really. And Erin… Well Erin’s story is much more complicated. But I have lost touch with her too. I hate how I always seem to find such nice people and nice friends… Then all of a sudden, they are gone. Sometimes, it is my fault, and Im trying to work on that. But sometimes… I just dont get it…

I had a real nice talk with a friend today though. I noticed how much Im growing up. Im sick of drama. And getting dragged into it. Especially when it comes out of nowhere. I guess that was just it though. I was so sick of drama… I cut it off completely. And without even realizing what I had done, I just stopped talking to friends. Talking doesnt always have to mean gossiping. And I think I forgot that. So, sorry to anyone who felt left out. And not just my friends, but anyone, anywhere. It hurts to feel left out. It hurts to think you lost a friend. And I would never want anyone to feel that way.

So onto some weight loss related areas. Im happy to report I made my 3lbs goal. I was hoping for 4… But mini confession… You know how we were gonna go to Mimi’s last night for that amazing salad? Well. We realized halfway down, we forgot the card at home!!! AHHH!!! So long story short, no Mimi’s. [Were going tonight though hehehehehe…]. So we got back to Cheyenne at about 9pm. Cody works til 7, he had to get changed, we drove halfway to Loveland, and no card. So by the time we got home, it was so late… We ended up having Wendys!!! AHHH!!! But be proud. I ordered a chicken sandwich, NO FRIES, and a diet coke! Oops for me having a soda, but oh well! I gymmed my butt off at gym session number one today! So Wendys is not an issue anymore haha… But how can I complain? Ive been eating food… REAL food! The first two weeks I was so strict with myself. But I made myself a deal. When I reached mid 170s, I would start adding in more foods I was used to. So thats what I started doing. I know if a lot of people here can eat real foods and lose, so can I. I think thats why I only had a 3lbs loss this week though. I gymmed hard, but ate more “normal” food. But hey, 3lbs!? I really cant complain!!!

So tonight… MIMI’S!!! I love that salad! And maybe a late night gym session. I did take a little nap with Killer, so I have a little extra energy! Im hoping that 4th lbs will find its way to next weeks weigh in. Next weeks goal will be 2lbs. Three if I add the extra lbs from this week. Ok, so 3! I can do that! I think with my new found sense of accomplishment, me and Killer are gonna go for a walk to pick Cody up from work! [About 3 miles]. I just feel like getting out and enjoying the rest of today! Hope you all do the same! Have a good night BuddySlimmers!!!

I have just about 30lbs before I hit my goal. I want it so bad… More stupid numbers. I think Im just gonna go until I feel sexy and feminine. I just want to look better. Who cares what my scales says. Pshhh! Take that scale!!!

I dont really have much to blog about today. Im in a bad mood. Im bored. Codys at work. And I think Im just gonna go to the gym! I think me and Cody are going to Mimi’s for dinner tonight. They have this salad that I am in love with… Who ever would have thought… A chubber who LOVES a salad? Hahaha… Its like 390 cals. Oh man. I cannot wait!!! Mimi’s and gym gym, here I come!!!

One more lbs… One more lbs… I can sooooo do it!!! And even if I dont? Ive had a 3lbs week anyways! YAH!

I might head to the gym tonight, maybe not. Im kind of tired. I did take a nap and I think that just messed me up more. Blah. Oh well, still not excuse for not hitting the gym. I should be hitting it even harder now, considering Im so close to those pesky 160’s again. THEY ARE MINE!!! AND I WILL TAKE THEM DOWNNNN!!! Hahaha… I just cant wait. Im so happy all this extra gym time is paying off. I had a little stall. I expected it though. And today, just in time for WC weigh in, I had one more lbs to add to the total. Im hoping for a 2 or 3lbs loss this week. I wanna shoot for 4. But I will be happy with 3.

Hmm… Not too much else to report. Killer ran in the snow for about 10 seconds today. He hates it just as much as I do. And of course, Kerstin has to torment me… She saw my area on the news/weather report. And had to rub in the fact that its been snowing for two days straight now! Shes a brat! Hahaha… I think we should move the play date to Fort Collins! Just an idea, throwing it out there!

I hate the winter. Did you know that in the winter, people, men and women both, will add anywhere between 10 and 20lbs. Its a fact. We start “preparing” our bodies in the fall for the winter season, and we do this by eating more foods that will help layer on some fat. The fattier the body, the warmer it will stay. So its built in your brain that you want to eat, eat, eat this time of year. Not to mention Halloween, Thanksgiving, ANNNND the rest of the fatty holidays! Im always filled with random facts haha… But now that we all know this, it gives us EXTRA reason to fight it! No more just giving in to the… “Well one cookie wont hurt… Maybe just two cookies…” It always turns into about a dozen cookies for me haha… But now that you all know why, you have the brain power to fight it! So fight these holidays BuddySlimmers!!! Start with saying no to all that Halloween candy!!! Just because its out there, doesnt mean you need to have it! Stores always have candy… You can have some next June! HAHA!

Oh yes, and of course since I wont be having any seasonal candy… I will not be allowing myself any Cheetos this weekend either. I made a promise in another blog. Damn Cheetos. I swear those things have a hold on a lot of us! Haha… Good luck this weekend Slim friends. I know you will all have a great weekend filled with great choices!

On September 18th, the date of the fair, I consumed; fried dough, mini donuts, a gyro, 2 Maine baked potatoes, LOTS of soda, fresh squeezed lemonade, a vanilla and a chocolate milkshake [all proceeds went to the 4-H, as if that should make it ok… haha], THREE Vermont chocolate chip cookies, with regular milk of course, kettle korn, NY pizza, a turkey leg, caramel apple chips, a HUGE canolli, and honestly, thats so much there but I know I had more and I cant even think of it. That was just ONE of the festival days!!! No wonder I shot up from 170 to 182ish!!!

We also went to a Seafood Festival. Oh boy… That was rough too haha. And we ate at ALLLLLL my favorite places when we went back!!! So… Im putting my extra caloric intake at about 50,000, IF NOT MORE!!! Which does equal 14lbs just about. But I was walking A LOT. I got blisters and there was so much blood on my socks one day. But still! HELLO!!! FOURTEEN EXTRA LBS FROM FOOD IN A LITTLE LESS THAN TWO WEEKS?!?! Yikes!!!

Then once I cut back the cals, started drowning myself in water, and working out like never before? I just keep losing!!! Im so nervous Im gonna plateau again soon. Right at my 169/170 barrier. UGH! But Im trying to stay positive and push through!!! Its a simple math equation. Eat less [not less than 1100 or 1200!] and workout more. You have to erase more calories than you eat from working out! Its the only way!

So off to take my first shower of the day, so I can go sweat like a pig at the gym. Kerstin, arent you the one who told me pigs actually dont even sweat? Hahaha… SO A.D.D.!!! After that, home for some good food lunch, then more gym time if Codys not up. If he is, well then he can come too!!! Time to get past this stupid 170 mark FOR GOOD!!!

Yay for the lbs dropping still. I can push for more! I CAN!!!

Hope you are all having a wonderful week so far, BuddySlimers!!!

What else… Rough times for me and Cody. Im working on it. Long stories, but Im trying to work on them. So yay to that.

Im feeling pretty positive despite my recent measurements. Good looorrddd I cannot wait for 4 more weeks to go by so I can measure again! I was so ashamed sending those inches to Nancy… Even more ashamed that they were posted for everyone to see. But all the more to improve on and I can do it, so Im not worried.

Im not sure what else to write. I dont feel like getting into my drama quite yet. So Ill spare you all tonight HAHA! And I dont really have to much to report. Just in a positive state of mind and doing the best I can. I think I took the Biggest Loser challenge too literally! I feel like Im ALWAYS working out! Haha! Oh well, we like those lbs coming off and we like them even better when they stay off!!!

Time to down 40 more oz of water! Later gaterrrsss!!!

Anyways. I got home and I was STARVING AGAIN! JEEZEEE metabolism! You didnt work for years and now this!? Hahahaha… I had some wheat toastyyy and an orange. I had my toast first. And halfway through my orange I was full! But I ate it anyways. Its healthy and what, like 60 cals MAYBE!? So yum! And of course Im washing it all down with two huge glasses of the good stuff! Gotta love me some H2O! Yesterday I didnt drink as much water as I would have liked. I could have easily done more. So Im gonna make that my goal for this week.

I found this link yesterday too while talking to Kerstin. We were talking about how dumb the BMI thing is. Because you dont have the same body type or structure as anyone else. You are unique to your own body. So there is a way to get a better idea of what weight your body should be at. You can actually measure your bone structure of your body to determine if you are a small frame, medium frame, or large frame. You measure either from your elbow, or the circumference of your wrist. Ive always used the excuse that I was shaped bigger because I had a larger bone structure, but according to the measurements, IM A SMALL FRAME! Oh jeeeeeze!!! So that means I can be smaller than what I originally thought! AHH!!! Good and bad. Hahaha… But if I had a large frame, and I was trying to get to the weight category of a small frame person, I would look unhealthy! Because my frame would not be meant to support such little weight! So anyways, the link to measure your frame is  http://health.bizcalcs.com/Calculator.asp?Calc=Frame-Size-Wrist. And I think eHow.com can show you how to measure from the elbow. So you can compare the two measurements.  Found the link for that too! http://www.ehow.com/how_5168263_determine-size-elbow-size-method.html.

I think today will be a good day. Its a bit chilly, but nice and sunny! Not that I have any plans haha…

Now off to read some more blogs and comment! Ttyl!!!

***UPDATE***

How could I forget this?! Im down another 2lbs! Well, almost haha… 1.8lbs so I rounded up! WOO!!!

So how fitting that today is my weigh in day. Im not sure if my weigh in counted for the team today or not, but Im still SOOO excited… From 182 to… 178!!! FOUR WHOLE POUNDS! I love love love love LOVEEE ITTTT!!!

So a few ladies asked me what diet I would be doing. Im giving up on diets. They dont work for me. And I always end up gaining some weight back when I go off them. So EFF THAT! This morning when I got home from taking Cody to work, I was hungry, so I ate some breakfast. I ended up going back to sleep and waking up a couple hours later. Again, I was hungry. So some apple chips did the trick. I feel like such a fatty cuz YET AGAINNN, Im hungry!!! So Im thinking maybe some chicken… Or beef [which I NEVER ate on a diet] but I want some! Some veggie of some kind? Maybe a piece of fruit? I dont know yet, and thats ok with me!!! I dont wanna have to count anything anymore. I just want to be healthy. Eat better choices and still have my junk OCCASIONALLY. Ill drink more water. Ill eat smaller portions. But Im gonna eat what I want to eat! Infact, a new buddy of mine posted about wanting some pizza and mannnn does that sound good right now! HAHA…

Im happy to be back on track. I have my base gym now. Free is fabulous! And its suuuuuuper nice there! And we went grocery shopping. Cody got lots of junk, but I honestly dont feel the need to go and eat any right now. And if I want a bite of his ice cream, IM GONNA HAVE IT!!!

Well this is turning out to be a longer blog! Hope youre happy Megan! HAHA! Its still all over the place. Gotta love the A.D.D. But at least this is a happy blog! I feel so much better about things. And being down 4lbs isnt such a bad way to start the day either!

So GO US BUDDYSLIMMERS! GO WILDCATS! LOSE THAT WEIGHT! WORK HARD! EAT GOOD! AND GOOOO EVERYONE ELSE!!!

Haha wowwww… I think Im still tired and have a dash of overtired writing mixed in with my A.D.D.! Talk to ya’s laterrr!!!